[	mood	|	Its going around...	]
[	music	|	Nasheed: http://www.inshad.com/video/Farshi_Alturab/en/dust2	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

Im sick *sniffle* :( Whatever it is ...is going around and its pretty successful. I was around sick people this whole past weekend and the minute I hit the freeway Sunday night to come home I sneezed 4 times and I felt it -and im doing Nothing to try to cure it. I usually like to just let my Immune system fight it off -its a mash'Allah immune system:) lol I started working at this research place where you call people that have signed up with us and certain companys like -candy, chips, drinks, video games etc- give us surverys for the people to answer then they are needed to come in for a test. Its pretty coool. I've just been unemployed for a year and a half so im out of the whole employment thing...so its hard to commit to a job too now -but Alhamdulillah:) Today was my first official day and it wasn't too bad so we'll see how it goes.

Our MSA has been doing pretty good lately:) I am happy bcz we have really been struggling this year and have changed Presidents now for the 3rd (and hopefully last) time. lol As far as being on top of organizing events etc. we are actually picking up -although I think we should start gearing things towards non-muslims. Everything seems to be just for Muslims -or even so we aren't trying to spread da'wah and get the non-muslims to attend. We'll see though -make du'ah for us:) 

Oh some good news that I dont really want to jinx -but ah well I want to mention it. Insha'Allah next year it seems as my plans for going to Egypt to study for 9mths will happen (more like 90%) if Allah (swt) wills it:) I spoke to someone representing the school I wanted to attend (Al Diwan) and they told me I can basically come for ANY 9mths:) Soo insha'Allah I am aiming for April -January. That way I can come back and transfer in 2nd semester at Sf State. Make du'ah for me!

Hmm...i'll update more later. I dont feel too good -not only cuz im sick- but I haven't worked out in a LONG time and I can start to feel it. So I should get up early to go run or somethin'...and hopefully join a gym Sooooon. Aiiite

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	Ran Today	]
[	music	|	Mishary Rashid Al Efasy -Surah Kahf	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

1 in the mornin' and I should have gone to bed like 3 hrs ago. I was TIRED and im suprised I am still up -I thought I would knock out. This usually happens anyways I plan to sleep earlier, not bcz I should but because I am tired and still running on the MAS camp schedule, but I end up sleeping Late. Its okay though as long as I am able to wake up for Fajr i'll be okay:) When I start to get Too tired or lazy to wake up is when i'll try to change things. Alright so whats been up lately? Either nothing really has been, or too many things and im blanking out....

ooo Well I went to the MAS camp again this year. I went last year right before I left for Hajj -and man did it help out! I love their camps. Its about a week long, and it is intense -which I love. We had about 3-4, 5 Max hrs of sleep a night. A typical day would be this: wake up 4:30am get ready for Qiyam, 5:15am qiyam prayer begins, 5:45am witr with du'ah, 6:00 fajr, 6:15 khatirah, 6:30 Al Ma'thurat, 6:45 Quran with your cabin ppl, 7:15am-8:30 sleep, 9:15 breakfast followed by a lecture. Then a activity, then dhur, lunch, free time, activity, lecture, asr/maghrib, dinner, lecture, night activity, then Sleep at around 12/1am. The whole 7 days was totally worth it. Just so much you learn from these camps, and Not only from the lectures -subhanAllah. I would reccommend everyone to go and experience it once, you'll be hooked like I am!

One part that Really affected me at the camp was this one morning by suprise after we prayed only 2 rak'at Qiyam they took us outside to the field area. And subhanAllah there the sky was clear Most of the time and the stars were bright and So close to your face -it was like dust in the sky. Imam Abdul Aziz one of the speakers for the camp -mash'Allah Great speaker and has such a nice recitation of the Qur'an- he recited ayats out of the Quran I wish I could remember from which Surah. But it was ayats explaining the Day of Judgment and death etc. He translated it afterwards, then had Everyone close their eyes and we were all sitting on the ground. He went thru some steps on what the Day of Judgment would seem like as if we were Right there experiencing it. It is really hard to explain it All -but the 1 part that blew me away or really hit my heart was he said you'll be standing there in a crowd of Billions and Billions of people just WAITING for your name to be called, and you see a crowd of people surrounding a certain spot. So you walk over there and see there is a Well and the Prophet (saw) is standing there giving water to some people. And you walk up to him and he (pbuh) looks at you and this angry expression comes across his face and he just Turns his face away from you. *heart crushes* I just could NOT stand the thought of that happening. I mean the Rasulillah (saw) turning his face away from yoU! If that happens you already know what will be in store for you when you go to meet with Allah (swt). This is the Rasul (saw) that cares SO much for us too and we dont even think twice about him (pbuh). He once said -and I know I am not wording this correctly- that "I am going to miss my Brothers and Sisters" and his companions said to him "but O rasulillah we are your brothers and sisters and we are here" and he (pbuh) said " No, you are my companions. I am going to miss those brothers and sisters that will come after I am gone and they believe in me and Love me. You've all seen me..." -something like that. And when he was dying Gabriel came to him and said normally this chance wouldn't be given to Anyone but what is 1 thing you want ....1 thing. Rasulillah (saw) said "Ummati Ummati" ...thats all he could say. *shivers*. Just how much he use to weep at the thought of people from his Ummah going to the hellfire. We neeeeeed to wake up! We can't waste time anymore. This life means nothing -we need to work hard. Balance our life. InshAllah and May Allah (swt) guide us All. Let us Not be of those that the Prophet (saw) will turn his face away on the Last Day, Let us be of those that will recieve our book in our Right hands, be of those to get through the Sirat fast, Die only in a state of a sound heart, Save us from the Punishments of the Grave, Torments of the Hellfire, and Grant us Jannatul Ferdaus -Ameeeeeeeeeen.

Alright I sidetracked there for a while. Sometimes I just cant hold it in. Well now I should hit the sack. I'll update other things later. There is enough there to think about and Reflect upon inshAllah. G'nite.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	Alhamdulillah	]
[	music	|	Hamzah Yusuf -Men and Women	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

It's been a while since i've updated this journal. Hmmm I think that last time I did was Eid! Wow...sooo about a month and half ago. SubhanAllah how time goes by so fasssst. Well since then the quarter is now Over, ummm I don't think I did too well. Hmm now I can blame it on soooo many things, but the truth is I have my priorities messed up and inshAllah I have to work on that. I am no longer the president of the MSA at de Anza, we voted on a new board and I think it is the Best for MSA:) I am still on board, but there was no way I could handle being a president and handling my classes at the same time. I LOVE MSA so most likely i'll put all my time into MSA rather then classes. So now I am the activities director:) -Alhamdulillah.

There has been sooooo many weddings lately, about one every week and still going. But im really not into it, its really depressing going to them. I had a sista's partaaay at my casa and that was fun. I was suppose to be in the Afghan basketball tournament this weekend...but last minute my 'rents changed my mind and wouldn't let me go:( Buuuuut it is mainly because i'll be gone Next week from the 24th-31st to the MAS camp in Santa Barbara! I really can't wait inshAllah -it is one of the best expriences. I went last year before I left for hajj, and it definitely helped me out. Getting away from everything for a week to focus on Islam and Iman, it is successful.

Well i'll update more later inshAllah -I need to Bounce.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	Thanks to Someone;)	]
[	music	|	Attan Milli -Live Rubob	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

 SubhanAllah it just turned 12am! Eid Mubarak:) Wooooow this Ramadan went by SO fast:( This was seriously one of my BEST ramadans EVER! So many good things came out of it, Alhamdulillah. Shaykh Sulaymon from South Africa was here and gave the most moving talks ever and just put everyone back on the right track. And I met some new ppl -its bound to happen from going to masjids, its like eid every night Lol 1 person in particular I met which is funny because I've known her or more like seen her around a lot cuz she works at the gym I use to work out at. But never really talked to her just on a whole "hi, bye" relationship. Then ran into her during taraweh prayer one night like a week ago during the talk and hmm I think i've practically seen her everyday since then Lol But hey I guess I can't be resisted;) lol j/k no but Alhamdulillah -I can't thank Allah (swt) enough for the ppl He brings into my life:) This weekend was crazzzzzzzzzzy Busy subhanAllah! I had like 3 midterms and an english paper to do and I didn't get to any of them.

Friday: Juma'ah Prayer, then afterwards ---maaan my mind is blanking out lol --- oh yeah got it *whew* I swear im getting old. So we had our last halaqa and went to that. Had iftar, some deep talks and then hit up taraweh prayer. Afterwards aisha came over and we just kicked it, realized it was late so just stayed up the whole night since we were plannin' on hittin' up Qiyam prayer. She took like a 20min nap then we went there and still was late for it! lol After suhoor and fajr came back, and hit the sack

Saturday: ...until 2 pm. Ahh i know bad! but was Really tired. Then finally had iftar with my mom and sis, then I had to rush to MCA to drop off some MSA stuff. Came back and went to Taraweh prayer -and afterwards got back went to bed around 2am.

Sunday: Went to qiyam, then came home 7am 'ish slept until 12pm lol Went back to MCA for a talk with Suhaib Webb on women in the Qur'an -which is really good. :) Came home then went for iftar to Mission Paradise with rowday and aisha and mmm that was good:) And it was the nite of the khattum (last nite finishing the qur'an) at the masjid we went to so had to rush there! And it was Really moving, especially the du'ah by the end of the nite. At the same time i was being mischievous and hid aisha's phone and 1 shoe lol I got abused right afterwards:) Then again it was like Eid after that was done subhanAllah SO many ppl! And since it was "laylatul qadr" we had planned to stay somewhere all night. So we hit up starbucks then aisha had to work on her project so we came back to my house and she did that while I put together the fish tank fine thang got me:) Then she left home I hit up Zaytuna until 6am 'ish. Ahhh I didn't let her sleep All weekend and she had to go to work at 5am lol So she told me she was sleepy, so I went to her work until almost 8am. And maaaan was i sleepy afterwards! On the way home I fell asleep i think like 4 times withouth knowing it lol And i was knocked out until 12:30pm.

Monday: ...Had classes, took care of MSA stuff. Had iftar with Nilo and Aisha at gyros then we went to Zaytuna for the conversion of a girl. It was really cool subhanAllah. Afterwards about 7 of us hit up Starbucks and kicked it:) Then went home -and uh Slept i think lol

Tuesday: Had classes, MSA board meeting, Art Show. Then came back to fremont went to an iftar with aisha for the girl that converted. Afterwards went to MCA for their last nite of the khattum and had a table there for Sponsoring an Orphan drive. That was fun SO many ppl once again subhanAllah. Got out of there around 11pm came back home and my cuz had a flat tire so my bro dropped us off and bounced and didn't realize we didn't have a copy of our house keys Lol and my 'rents weren't there either. So we sat out there for like half an hr until my pops came. Took aisha home we hit up this COOL spot on Mission Blvd where you can actually see a view of All of fremont its So nice subhanAllah -and we saw a deer.

...And today was just complete Chaos! MSA is stressful i'll tell you that much. InshAllah we can survive, make dua'ah. Alright I should hit the sack so I can get up early for eid prayer and to study and fajr. Ahhh man. Here we go again another BUSY week!

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh -Eid Mubarak Once Again-

[	mood	|	Alhamdulillah Loving Ramadan	]
[	music	|	Duah -Mishary Rashid Al-Efasy	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

 Well here I am once again, late nite -can't really sleep, a lot going through my mind. So some ppl have suggested that I updated my journal which is excactly what I am doing. First off -Ramadan Mubarak:) Ahhh I love Ramadan! Maaan I can't even explain it, just Alhamdulillah everyday for being Muslim -and may Allah (Swt) inshAllah accept all of our fasts:) We are now in the last 10 days of Ramadan -subhanAllah it went by So fast! And I wish it didn't :/ I am just trying to take FULL advantage of these last 10 days inshAllah -I really want to focus and concentrate and try to get as much alone time as I can. Ramadan this year especially seems impossible to do even that, I can't even iftar with my family and I Really want to. We'll see inshAllah.

Hmmm well first off I was going through some of my old journals -and maaan its only been a year or less, but for some reason I saw a change. I don't know whether or not its a good change, but its a change. I feel good about it, but it can always be better. Amal. Reading through some of those old journals once again I realized how many goals I had set and that I didn't accomplish any of them! Maaan its like I want to do well, but I feel like I am not putting in all the effort I Know I can put in. I dont know why I do that to myself, like I was mentioning to someone earlier tonite that I need to get my priorities straight -but as much as I can do that it'll end up showing in my actions. Please make dua'h for me inshAllah, as I will for all of you! I was also reading through some of the journal entries from before I left on trip and when I came back -and I don't know I just suddenly became down. Now now in a depressed way, I just realized how much I want to be back there. I felt like I didn't take full advantage of my stay there, and there is So much that I would do different. But I guess it all comes with experience, so yeah Khair -but may Allah (swt) forgive me, and inshAllah allow me to come back again.

FineThang. So our MSA Banquet is coming up this Thursday inshAllah:) I am really enjoying MSA this quarter -with the board I feel like we are getting along well. Our communication with one another is going really well, and we feel like a family. And inshAllah with this we can make the overall feeling of MSA like 1 big family! There is just So much to do, but not a lot of time. SubhanAllah you realize the value of time more as you experience more in life. Also Shaykh Sulaymon is here for the month of Ramadan -he is from South Africa- and mash'Allah he is a Great speaker! He made this Ramadan extra special, I thank Allah (swt) for bringing him to us. He gives a talk every night after taraweh prayer and after fajr prayer, and it really moves you. All of the topics he covers are beneficial and opens up your heart, and brings you back to the reality of your purpose in this life. I can write so much about what he's spoken about so far but that would take a while -so I think i'll work on that then post it next time inshAllah.

I'll make this the last thing I talk about but it has a lot to do with balancing and putting a limit on things. I am sure we all hear about it because we need to have a balance as muslims -especially since we live here in America. Having that balance, and knowing how to balance ourselves is truly a blessing from Allah (swt). Without this balance we would seriously be Lost or doing things we shouldn't be doing or doing things Too much. We need to know the limit to things that are involved with our lives. .....Sorry I can't go on right now, I'll finish this up later. I love you for the sake of Allah (swt).

Wa Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	Eyes almost gone...	]
[	music	|	Nothing- The trees outside Rustling	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barkatuh,

 Hmm I think its been a little over a month since I had last posted. Maaaan how could things have gotten That busy? eh I guess they didn't I was just too lazy to update, or nothing Too interesting. But since I am awake, yet Really sleepy (I dont know how that works lol) i'll update on whats happened. So last time I left off I had decided to go to the Tajdeed Retreat (muslim camp away up in the mountains somewhere for a weekend) -and of course it was Well worth it, Alhamdulillah:) It was a total Iman booster, and I needed one as well. Although I want to keep it up -because I dont want to always depend on the camps to bring me up and closer to Allah (swt), I should work on that everyday inshAllah. My sisters kind of engagement party but not really its called "Shernee Dadaan" -which translates to "Giving the Candy", party happened also. It was at a restaurant it was Fuuuuun, and it was over before we knew it lol Everything happened SO fast I wasn't thinking about any of it until like a week later after the party and getting my rest that "oh Dang, my sis is Taken...." lol So yeah but now its all pretty normal, and good Alhamdulillah. My fav. person in the WHOLE world Suwila jaaaaaan came down that weekend with her family, that I absolutely Adore:) So it made it even better:):) (that deserved 2 smiley faces)

So hmmm what else? well classes are FINALLY starting on Monday, inshAllah. It feels like its been SO long, my dad actually asked me the other day if I had dropped out lol I wouldn't blame him -this was one Long summer vacation. So yeah i'll be taking 4 classes: Economics, Astronomy, History of Civilization, and English 1a, comes about to 18units. So this will be a BUSY quarter for me, i'll need all the du'ahs I can get iA!!!

Well I am goin' tomorrow to Great America for "Unity Day" something the muslims are holding at this theme park. It'll be cool, I just love being around muslims in general:) ...ahh okay I can't keep my eyes opened anymore or else I would update more. So yeah next time inshAllah.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	Eyes Red	]
[	music	|	Qur'an: Surah 78 -Mishary Rashed Al-Efasy	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

 It's pretty late but  I decided I wanted to write in here ways to get things off of my mind. Hmm since the last post I am actually GOING to the Tajdeed Retreat now:) Highlight of my life right now -I am Really looking forward to it. So i'll be gone this Friday until Monday inshAllah. I want to get back in the zone of things -which I feel I have completely lost it just bcz of being Too caught up on all this worldly affairs, I dont really like it. Sometimes its too much that you just want to get away from everything. I feel this Big emptiness inside (islamically) and I need an Iman booster -and inshAllah this will do. Since the camp is "Following the Prophetic Model" I think it'll help a lot -I love learning more and more about the Prophet Mohammed (saw) :) I can't explain how much of an affect these camps have -I would reccommend Everyone to attend at least one, and trust me you'll be hooked (just like me lol) and will already be looking forward to the next one. Which is why I couldn't bail out on this one -it didn't feel right missing it so we could do things and plan more for my sis party (worldly affair) and I figured there isn't Much planning to do so yeah can't wait basically:) Plus all the people you meet and bonding is another really great thing about it -i've met some Amazing people subhan'Allah:) Plus last time it gave me a chance to bond with my brother -looks like that will be happening again.

 Nothing compares to the Qur'an -like NOTHING. All the answers to everything is there -reading it, listening to it- just the feeling is unexplainable. Going to hajj I became in Love with the Qur'an -before it was just sort of there and I would read it every now and then. But while I was on the trip I did A whole lot of reading on my own time, and because I Wanted to -it helped me get better at it at the same time. Listening to music just feels disgusting to me at Most times -I Really am trying to not listen to it as Much and inshAllah I can be successful at that. I had many goals to achieve after coming back from Hajj which I feel like a Total failure at : / -because I dont feel like I accomplished much. Since classes will be starting soon inshAllah there is A lot of things I want to do -I need to get my priorties straight and I want to be the best (I can be) Servant of Allah (swt), Daughter, Sister, Friend, Student, President of MSA -Etc. I want to get more serious about getting myself in Great shape inshAllah, finish the Qur'an, continue to gain more Knowledge about this Deen -the most Perfect deen, do well in my classes, continue to build More patience (you can Never have enough), take care of my family to the best I can, put all the work I can into our business so it can be successful as well, work on not telling lies (not that I DO a lot -but even the little ones count), and Many more.

Well -there was some more things on my mind but I guess i'll save that for the next post. I should go to bed so I can wake up to hit the gym -then we'll be working on the Fabric tomorrow all day. O Allah (swt) please forgive us All, inshAllah we can be the best Servants we can to you, and inshAllah Grant us All Jannah and save us from the punishments of the Grave and torments of the Hellfire -Ameen.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

( Pics... )

[	mood	|	Crazzzy Weekend	]
[	music	|	Qur'an	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

 Where shall I begin? Well not much has happened between the time I last updated and up until about last week -it has all be pretty much Chill. After that -my sis had some people interested in her and so they came over a lot, and she is Kind of engaged now lol The Actual party is in about 2 weeks inshAllah. So it has all been pretty overwhelming, I knew it was going to happen but it all happened SO suddenly and Everyone was over Friday -it was fun but SOOOO much work! I'll post some pics at the end of this. But I am happy for her because mash'Allah the guy is great:) It is REALLY hard to find Good Afghan guys (that are practicing -especially) and I approve of this one ....so far lol inshAllah their marriage will always be blessed -Ameen.:) So the house this whole weekend (especially thursday and friday) was just like the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, in the end when ALL the ppl are over and everyone is just running around. We had to do SO many things last minute but thanks to some some friends that helped out A LOT:) Friday night there was about 50 people over -wasn't expecting THAT many but it was a Full house. Then my G'ma and a couple cousins spent the night. We had breakfast at IHOP the following morning then came back and suddenly the Whole family came together again lol Its really rare that it happens without it ACTUALLY being planned -but when times like this comes around ppl are just in and out of the house you just lose track lol So everyone was just chillin' talking, arguing, debating, laughing, crying ----all of it lol Then afterwards EVERYONE was gone (well the older ppl and my parents included) and it was just all my cousins (the girls) and myself @ home Trying to practice a dance for the party in 2 weeks. It failed lol I mean we tried but we didn't have the music we needed so we just ended up ordering pitza and hanging out. Then we decided we wanted to make a move lol Yeah I know sounds funny but we've made one before and its pretty famous -within the family of course- so we came around to even getting all ready for it and we even taped like 2minutes of it but the mood was killed and we were all sleepy so we just All went to bed around 2. Got up this morning went out to get donuts then came back here -and we all met up and went out to Chevys and watched a movie -got back around 8pm. Now I am just EXHAUSTED. I dont like doing TOO many things at once like this -I need a break from it. Im not sure how I use to do it before -I guess I am getting use to chillin' a lot and hanging around the house ...I hope I dont become a G'ma lol

 So it seems like I wont be going to the Tajdeed Retreat:( I mean I still can but we are decorating for the party and there isn't much time left to plan for it and get ready -I still need to find something to wear. So you probably won't hear much of me for the next couple weeks -then by the time it Might calm down classes will start so consider me gone now lol I dont think i'll be able to do much hanging out anymore -so now is the time to take advantage of i'll try to see if I can squeeze things here and there. Alright well i'll post some pics, im out until next time. Actually im going to post up the pics on another post in like 30min. Wa Salaamu Alaikum WrWb

[	mood	|	...and Lovin' It	]
[	music	|	Nothing- Sometimes the Sound of Trees blowing is Calming:)	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

 Wow...a lot to update on but im sure i'll forget some things here and there. It has been a cool two months or less with a lot of ups and downs -but Alhamdulillah. Since the last time I actually updated not much has changed -except on the "friendship" issue. I ended up going to L.A. like I had said and I got back on Sunday around 1'ish. It took us like 7-8 hrs to get there bcz of the traffic! But like 5 hrs exactly to get back:) We didn't do much our first day there since we arrived pretty late -we just checked into our hotel ordered some pizza and watched movies --Yeah i know LAME! lol but it was Cool:) Then the next day we got up around 10'ish got ready, headed out dropped off my sis to do her interview and went for some coffee. *Btw it was me, my sis, and 2 older cuzins* After her interview was over we headed out around the place and went to this Really good seafood restaurant by the beach -i forgot where Exactly. Then we went around to stores and 'ish. Came back to our hotel around 7'ish -got ready then went out for Dinner, which was really good too:) Got back around 1'ish was knocked out so we hit the lights and left the following morning around 8am. It was a pretty Chill trip -I liked it because I didn't have anything to do it was all just chillin'. Now we are planning to go again lol Yeah I know but this time with some of my cuzins and a couple friends either this weekend or the following weekend inshAllah. But this time we wanted everything planned out as far as where to go Exactly, and what do do. This is basically my last chance at chillin' before it becomes hectic and busy for me for another 4-8yrs lol So I am taking advantage of it:) I wouldn't mind moving to L.A. -or scared of the fact when I go there for College inshAllah except for the fact that everyone is into "Self Image" and take it a lil Too far -becomes pretty annoying.

There is the Tajdeed Retreat (Muslim Camp for about 4days) coming up end of this month also so I am REALLY looking forward to that inshAllah:) And I really can't wait until classes begin lol I am not a nerd TRUST me but I miss it so yeah. Seems so that i'll be going to afghanistan next summer inshAllah and I really can't wait for that either -it'll probably be myself and two of my cousins and Hopefully my sis also. I want to go back and do some volunteer work and visit some of the family members I wasn't able to see before. Also between now and then -actually by the end of 2005 I have a couple things I want to do: Jet Skiing, Snowboarding/Skiing, and Horseback Riding. Then by spring of next year I want to go sky diving lol I am still going to Dubai Summer of 2007, and HOPEFULLY Umrah Next Year Fall-  InshAllah InshAllah InshAllah! Care to join just holla'.

I have learned a lot more then I thought I actually knew on "friendship". I feel a lot more relieved now knowing I am not relying on any one person  -and I feel free. I no longer have to worry about putting so much time and effort into anything -one thing I REALLY dont like is "forced friendship". That is where everything seems almost forced lol Like who called who first and the other didn't call the second time, scheduled times to talk lol, hanging out takes A LOT of planning -it just is soooo BLAH. A friendship is very natural (not Perfect though) -you love each other, know one another, care -etc. When hanging out it feels Right, you relate so well, they know the right things to say -its a good feeling. The image I had in my head of a certain friendship I had -I was basically kidding myself. Sometimes I forget to snap back into Reality and there are MANY things in life that come and go and you cant become Too attached to any 1 thing. We should only have limited feelings towards something/someone -it is good to always keep that barrier there so that not Everything comes down when the person is goin' away slowly. There are Sooo many wonderful people out there to meet, share knowledge with,  hang out, all types of different personalities -just So much more to life to experience inshAllah. I know I am looking forward to it -not saying that I am letting go of everything I've had before- I have basically loved everything I have experienced up until now and I think Allah (swt) for it All, the people I met, the relationships i've been with them -just the whole experience. I keep friends REALLY close to my heart bcz they are the ones that are almost Always there for you and usually understand you -something we all always need.

Hmmm I know I had more to talk about but my mind went blank but i'll update it later inshAllah.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	Friends...Never Get Close	]
[	music	|	Mishary Rashed Al-Efasy Surah Baqara	]

Assalamu alaikum.

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

A Letter to the Culture that Raised Me By: Yasmin Mogahed

Growing up, you read me the Ugly Duckling. And for years I believed that was me. For so long you taught me I was nothing more than a bad copy of the standard. I couldn't run as fast or lift as much. I didn't make the same money and I cried too often. I grew up in aman's world where I didn't belong. And when I couldn't be him, I wanted only to please him. I put on your make-up and wore your short skirts.I gave my life, my body, my dignity, for the cause ofbeing pretty. I knew that no matter what I did, I was worthy only to the degree that I could please and be beautiful for my master. And so I spent my life on the cover of Cosmo and gave my body for you to sell. I was a slave, but you taught me I was free. I was your object, but you swore it was success. You taught me that my purpose in life was to be on display, to attract, and be beautiful for men. You had me believe that my body was created to market  your cars. And you raised me to think I was an ugly duckling. But you lied. Islam tells me, I'm a swan. I'm different-it's meant to be that way. And my body, my soul, was created for something more. Allah(swt) says in the Quran: 'O mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and  tribes, that you may know one another(not that you may despise each other). Verily, the most honored of you in the sight of God is the one who is most righteousÓ (Quran 49:13).So I am honored. But it is not by my relationship to men. My value as a woman is not measured by the size of my waist or the number of men who like me. My worth as a human being is measured on a higher scale: a scale of righteousness and piety. And my purpose in life-despite what the fashion magazines say-is something more sublime than just looking good for men.And so Allah(swt) tells me to cover myself, to hide my beauty and to tell the world that I'm not here to please men with my body; I'm here to please Allah(swt). Allah(swt) elevates the dignity of a woman's body by commanding that it be respected and covered, shown only to the deserving-only to the man I marry. So to those who wish to 'liberate' me, I have only one thing to say: Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not here to be on display. And my body is not for public consumption. I will not be reduced to an object, or a pair of legs to sell shoes. I'm a soul, a mind, a servant of Allah(swt). My worth is defined by the beauty of my soul, my heart, my moral character. So, I won't worship your beauty standards, and I don't submit to your fashion sense. My submission is to something higher. With my veil I put my faith on display-rather than mybeauty. My value as a human is defined by my relationship with Allah(swt), not by my looks. So I cover the irrelevant. And when you look at me, you don't see a body. You view me only for what I am: a servant of my Creator.So you see, as a Muslim woman, I've been liberated from a silent kind of bondage. I don't answer to the slaves of Allah(swt) on earth. I answer to their king (Allah (swt) ).

Yasmin Mogahed received a B.S. in psychology from theUniversity of Wisconsin-Madison. She is currently agraduate student in Journalism/Mass Communications at
the University of Wisconsin-Madison and working as a free lance writer.
SUBHAN'Allah -AMEEN.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	Decision Time	]
[	music	|	Sting- Shape of My Heart	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,
Hmm once again its been a while since I have last updated. I dont know if much has happened since then-well at least Good things. Well I guess there has been ups and downs the past month. Hmmm so we started playing Basketball every night I LOVE it a lot gets my
mind off of things and I am pretty competitive so I love it especially when we play our games. Of course so far Undefeated:) Also I get to see my cuzins and friends so its a fun time to bond More. I have been working on the business more inshAllah its going to be a success. Everything is pretty much done I actually went to L.A. this past weekend -left Friday and came back Saturday night. It was Fun, we got things done, and a lot came out of it. Bought some of the things we needed, got a feel of how it is to work with the others that are in on this as well (Good feeling btw lol), and tried to clear some things up with *clears throat*. I think the last 2 hours of driving back was most productive -can't really explain it too much. Other then that we hit up Venice beach Friday night I fell in love with the place -not only bcz it was a beach lol but bcz of who I was there with. We did some mischievous things, got our names on these board things, henna tattoos, Smiley got me a sweater -thinkin' she is Slick *psht*. lol All in All it was Cool.
  -Truly great friends are hard to find, Difficult to leave, and Impossible to forget- Couldn't have been said any better. It sucks although it is a great feeling to love someone and to be loved back (hopefully) , but when things seem as they might go down hill it Sucks. I dont know if I have room for another heartbreak -3 strikes and I am out. I don't think i'll ever want to become close to anyone just keep a distance so that if things go wrong it wont take a Big effect -and this can be done. I dont have ANY regrets what so ever actually, everything is an experience and you learn from it -looks like it took me 3 of them to Finally figure it out. I just wish some ppl would realize their worth and How great of a person they are and to not just Settle for anything. I guess there isn't much to do: /    Just wait and see what happens at this point I am ready for just about anything.                                                                                                    Seems like i'll be going to L.A. again weekend of August 5th, my sis has an interview for a Cal Scholarship -inshAllah she'll get it- but of course we are goin' a lil earlier to just hang out. It's cool because now I know where some of the Cool places are so it should be fun hmm and the rest of this summer since I am taking NO classes (yeah I know tsk tsk) i'll be just workin' on this Business and Workin' out. Well thats it for now I should go get some work done.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	blah	]
[	music	|	None	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuhu,

 Its been a WHILE since i've updated this thing. Just became too busy with things and stuff I guess. So it seems like that last time I did was before I left to my trip to San Diego. I enjoyed it A LOT, because im not too sure if i'll be goin' anywhere this summer -Maybe New York, its on the agenda we'll just see inshAllah. So yeah went there for a family friend wedding:) Met a lot of cool people, enjoyed it -the weather was nice. I learned about a new game called: Mafia. It was sooo much fun playing it -we ended up stayin' up all night until 7am playing the game its hard to explain it lol but afterwards we have breakfast at Ihop

that is our Mafia Crew:) lol So yeah then we came back here, and back to life. Had finals coming up, and Rowaydah and her family were leavin' to Jordan! I still haven't heard from them -im beginning to worry some: /  inshAllah I hope All is well with them. Then there were Finals they went Okay and are over Alhamdulillah! I got an A in my Islamic Studies class, I am going to take my economics class over again bcz I want a better grade in it lol And I sitll have no idea what I got in Anthro.. Then I was planning on taking 3 classes this summer, but now I am only taking 1: Arabic 2, which hasn't started yet until another 3 weeks -I think. But im still okay as far as units so that I can inshAllah transfer to SFSU by Next fall.

  Umm recently, went to Great America on Sunday that was pretty fun:) It was about All of my cousins (girls mainly) and some friends. The weather was Really hot in the beginning, but became pretty chill after a while. I went bunjee jumping -which was freakin' Awesome. It was me, my cuz and amal -it felt REALLY good to do it. There are/were plans to go Sky Diving next yr., but not too sure those plans will follow through -havin' some doubts. About a week ago we started playing B-ball every night: me, my 2 cuz, and my sis we are planning to start a team for the Afg. b-ball tournament AND for the muslima b-ball tournament iA. So yeah thats been a Good work out every night for about 1 1/2 hrs:) Im also doin' gym in the afternoons for a double work out -it feels sooo good, well a lot better then just sittin' around not doing much bcz I dont have a job and no classes right now. Also I have started a business its wedding decorations, engagements, parties, and Event Decor we are doing. It is called : Aryana Designs. Check out the website: http://aryanadesigns.com/   its pretty cool inshAllah this will be successful. Planning a trip to L.A. july 15th for the weekend to do some shopping, so that should be fun especially since Smiley is goin' -now I can bug all I want;)

  Other then that, not much else right now. Just not feelin' some people etc., dont know what to do about it. Umm Yeah well just wanted to share some pics of my cousins first one is I believe All of us excpet for my Sis was missin' that night. The second is just the Girls again with my sis Missing -she missed out that night lol :

So yeah thats about it for now. Thanks for the help majnoonyassi (Dude whats ur name? lol) Aiite,

Wa Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

[	mood	|	iss Coo'	]
[	music	|	None	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

  Hmm where shall I begin? Okay well first off I wanna talk about stress. Yes, stress. What we All go through; old, young, parents, students you can name it. It isn't the best thing to befall on a person, brings you down, knocks you out of it --over all Not good. But what causes this stress, and how can we be relieved of it when it does befall us? I come across it Once in a while -almost like a Sudden rush. Things seem to be normal, im busy everyday but then when it becomes stressful And busy it doesn't mix too well I can tell you that. It totally wears me out, during and even afterwards. Then it hits me, WHAT am I stressing about? Is it Really worth it? I once heard that "When you are stressed out, it is because you are going for EVERYTHING else but Allah(swt)" -and it is SOOO true subhan'Allah. When you really think about it, all that stress comes from Wordly "stuff", that really only benefits us here to a certain extent. We stress about our classes, money, impressing Others, planning events (not Islamic) Etc. Now I am not saying we shouldn't, or it only happens to certain ppl - we All come across it, part of human Nature. When you think of Allah(swt) it just takes it All away -no joke. When something is happening and its stressing you out, you just think "Alhamdulillah" -bcz it can Always be worse. Or think of Allah(swt) just makes it seem Sooooooo much smaller when you thought it was a Big deal,  eases it all out. It was like when in Medina and Mecca -the day would be some what stressful because of having to shop Sooo much for things, and that there were SO many ppl mash'Allah and the crowds etc., and going into the mosque trying to find room all that would Build. BUT the moment it would be time to pray ALL of it just seemed sooooo little, almost nothing, you would forget about it. Well yeah, just some advice for when your stressin' -just think Alhamdulillah and move on and think of Allah(swt).

Well not Too many plans for the summer, just 2 classes inshAllah and a  job -hopefully! Other then that, a couple road trips -and a whole lotta hangin' out. For the rest of this year (school yr. until the end of June), we have a couple cool things planned out for MSA. Next thursday June 2nd we are having a "Death" talk at school. We are seperating the guys and girls into 2 different rooms, then lights off we are goin' through the steps of death - inshAllah it will have a Big impact,  it always has one. Then the following week is Diversity week so we are having a talk with Imam Abdul Malik on Tuesday June 7th, then Thursday June 9th is our End of the year farewell BBQ:) Following week is Dead week, so nothing, and the week after that is Finals and we are Finito! But yeah, everyone and Anyone is welcome to those events iA.

Well I should get some sleep, I got to catch my flight to SD 9am. I'll be back Tuesday inshAllah.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	But Still Happy:)	]
[	music	|	Adnan Sami	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

  *sighs* I love this Weather (umm the Real weather) lol Last night I took a step outside in my backyard it was around 10pm to go get some onions -lol- and the air just hit up against my face and I felt like I was goin' back looking through my Whole childhood and I ended up with a smile on my face. I guess its been a while since I had that sort of feeling, and I liked it...Alhamdulillah had a iss Coo' childhood;) Running around sooooo much everyday you barely have ANYTIME to sit back and reflect a little, or just have some time to yourself, it sucks. Like we dont enjoy the Real things around us: trees, plants, mountains/hills, sky, lakes - we forget that All of these also make Dhikr to Allah(swt) and if we really sit down listen to them on a quiet night/day and just think about All the creations of Allah(swt) its truly something else. When we were at the week long camp in December we hiked up at Midnight to a spot near the edge of the mountain and just sat there listening...and SubhanAllah you can hear the trees rustling, the fresh smell of the plants around, and the best was hearing the Water -im sure from a Lake- running, and to top it all we looked Up and it felt like the Stars were Sooo close -gives u an Iman booster:)

  Yeah side tracked there for a second. Well I am Tired, I was cookin' all last night for our MSA meeting today at school and right now I am takin' a little break until 1pm then I have to go make the rice. Now I really feel the pain of moms out there that do this - it takes A lot! But I like the experience, and me and my mom had some Good times:)  Plus she gets Really happy when I cook or am around the kitchen doin' something other then being Up here and on here lol So first she was not Too happy that I was doing it, now she is helping out when I don't want her to because of her hands lol Well I recorded my speech on Tuesday morning and it should be airing this Friday Night Channel 27 for Newark, and Channel 28 OR 29 for Fremont...it went Aiite I messed up a lil but Ah well, better luck Next time:)

  The rest of this month hmmm - well there is my cuz grad. party this Saturday night. Then Next Weekend on Friday there is 2 parties - 1 birthday party  and 1 bridal shower party - hmm Same night I dont know which one to decide on. AND at the same time there is the Unity Halaqa in Pleasonton-- I might go to that Lol. Then the weekend after that inshAllah goin' to SD, so yeah busy busy busy weekends lol

  ...Anyways I wanna update more but the Rice is callin' for me. *Iss Natural *

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	Just B/c	]
[	music	|	Tabat w Nabat- Mahmoud Essily	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

  *sigh*, its been a goooood day Alhamdulillah. Woke up around 11am 'ish -after fajr its best NOT to sleep, or else you just dont wanna wake up lol - but I was awaken by the Text message of Fine Thang a.k.a. Amal (IF some of u are wonderin'...NOT an imaginery friend Sue Lol) saying yeah come take me to her Appointment. So I was like Okay, I got up... washin' my face Etc., and then she was like Uh J/k lol DAAANG ruined my sleep, but Iss Coo' n Naturaal b/c I had to get up for the Gym n-e ways. Yeah had a Good workout, as Usual, came home then So fresh and So clean';) It was about 2:30, I get a call that we have a Emergency board meeting for our MSA, so I had to Hurry up and rush on over to school. Had the meeting, Blah --well I mean it was Coo'. Then we had a MSA Social dinner at the Falafel House, it was Coo' only because Smiley and Fine Thang were there lol We kicked it at a Furniture Store ---it was Happenin' lol-- then at the Mall ---BORING...lol j/k it was Coo', looked at some Wedding Dresses it was Interesting...umm I don't know why lol. We ate....THEN while we were eating Fine Thang reached over grabbed Smileys purse and took the keys out said "Im Driving Home". Since it seemed like Smiley had NO idea what was goin' on I grabbed the keys from Fine Thang and was like lets pretend and act like She lost it lol So I put it in my back pocket, and I forgot it was even there...and we got up to leave I turn back and Smiley had a VERY confused look on her face, and then I remembered ....so it was Time to put on the "acting" face, and it Worked. lol I was HOPING she would not start crying...because Of course we didn't tell her Right away we waited until we got into the car, just so she wouldn't Worry any more. But I threw it in the Front seat, Right when she got into the back...and we were like Ooh Here it Is, and she didn't even know until we busted out laughing ...it was MAD funny Iss Coo', right smiley? lol She is threatening to get us back...We'll see;)

   Well I had some other things to say...but I have to type or write up that speech. Holla',

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	drained	]
[	music	|	Nasheeds	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

  --Well first off Sorry for the last entry, because it made NO sense im Pretty sure lol I was just thinkin' all over the place. --

This weekend has been pretty chill for me. I feel like I WASTE a lot of time, and I need to get my things together again...im falling back again, Yikes. Starting from Thursday it was my lil bro's b-day, he turned 16 so we took him out to dinner and watched Fever Pitch, which he DID NOT want to watch lol But we forced him to...it was 2 against 1. I recommend it to watch, Good movie:) (So the wasting time begins here lol). Then on Friday I hit the gym early in the morning, by the time I got back took a shower it was already Too late to go to Juma'ah prayer, so I was TOTALLY bummed that I missed that. So I just stayed home took care of some things, then later on around 6'ish I went to this Unity Halaqa held by Generation M at San Ramon, it was a Good one...im goin' to write about it in a bit. I came home around 11 'ish my mom was Pretty mad, she threatened that I can't go out EVER again at night lol But we'll see How long that lasts b/c Everything that goes on (especially islamic events) is at Night, so yeah. I felt bad though b/c we argued for a bit...I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore, but dang sometimes I can't help it Ummm ANY ADVICE?  Then came Saturday, I got up didn't really do much until around 2pm I went to the gym and we had planned to go out that night w/ all my girl cousins b/c it had been a while since we all got together. So we met up around 7pm at 1 of their houses, and took off from there to pray Maghrib at the mosque, pour the gas then sit in the car for Literally 30min. to decide where we want to go. There was a debate on whether we should go to this persian restaurant Hozkhouneh in Los Altos (Has belly dancing, a band, hookah, dancing...the whole Not sooo good scene), or just stay local and go to a restaurant and then something afterwards. So Finally we came to the conclusion, and we went to Elephant Bar for Dinner we were there until about 10:30pm and then we went outside and AGAIN we were standing in a circle for Another 30min. (seriously) deciding What to do next lol B/c we kept on side tracking and jokin' around but then we decide the First step would to be to get into our cars first b/c we were causin' a scene. So then again they wanted to go to the persian restaurant, but Nah we stood our grounds and decided to go grab some Coffee from Starbucks then go Bowling. So we all split grabbed some Coffee, then went bowling. Bowling was FUN, well we always enjoy ourselves just being around each other Usually doesn't matter where we are at. So then came time to put the names on the Score board lol Most likely most of you won't get this but here were our nicknames : Sara -- "Kiim",  Fazila -- "Paym", --Menna "Moesha", Shamim "Shamu", Nahid "Nay Nay", Sophia "Bonquesha", Khatera "Ms.Parka' ", --and Me "Lil Kiim Buzorg" lol Ummm the "buzorg" is a persian word so if u don't know it the Ah well lol (Oh yeah and all of those nicknames HAVE to be pronounced the Right way of course the black way lol ( we are NOT racist to make that clear ) ). So yeah it was good times, we got home around 1am and me and my cuz stayed up until 4am, it was 1 LONG night. (I'll put up the Pic of All of us up there)  Then this morning we got up around 10:30am sat around for a bit, then went out to get some Jamba Juice had our lunch/dinner and not Too much after that. Just finished up our Online meeting, wasn't Too successful A LOT of side tracking, but Alhamdulillah. So yeah that was My weekend, what 'bout urs? lol

K Well back to the Unity Halaqa Topic. It was on "The Dangers of the Tongue", but of course like Always they never speak on the topic completely, so the speakers spoke about different thing. A couple things that Really stood out to me was that they mentioned how We (The Believers) are titled THE BEST of All  creations-subhan'Allah- and the SAD thing is that now-a-days All you see us just Imitating the non-believers! I mean WE should be the ones that They copy and should be like. We are too busy thinkin' about what so-and-so would think at school about my hair style, what im wearing Etc. and Wanting to look like those celebrities...and it brings u Down, b/c it Should be the opposite. I mean WE being the BEST of All creations to Allah(swt) and we are tryin' to look away from it to please the Others? I Never thought if it like that, it hit me Pretty hard. They also spoke about our Reasons of being here in a Non-muslim country. I heard this before and I Totally agree with it, b/c its even been said in the Qura'an that if you Are going to live among the non-believers you should be there for Dawah purposes. I mean we can't just be Here in the Great AMREECA(imam abdul malik says) to get our degrees (Which is still VERY important to get...u Have to have ur education No Doubt they stressed that at the same time) and live a life working 9-5 and thats IT. Its very important that we dedicate some time to help out, I mean its Already hard enough to keep the Muslim community together BEFORE gettin' to the non-Muslims. So yeah.

Well that should be it for Tonight, I wrote Too much like the Old times lol Tomorrow im goin' to be at SJSU all day studying, and just hit up the event at 4:30.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

A'salaamu Alaikum,

   ---Well I got a little discouraged tonite by Someone lol So I was about to just not write in these journals anymore, IT said " does anyone read them"? lol IT was right, but I dont know and I dont really care...for those that I Want to read them I know will fo sho'. So I am REALLY loving the weather lately, maybe More then before but hmmm I dont know just can't tell lol

  So there is a "plan" that is suppose to go down towards the end of this summer, or sometime along that time. WE are plannin' a trip to the Beach, most likely Santa Cruz the only one really around here. We were goin' for 2am, but eh too unrealistic so more like RIGHT when it turns dark b/c someone has a Curfew lol We want  NO one else there, or Maybe another person....just the Sand, the Lovely weather;) and the Water makin' its noises. Sounds almost Too perfect, but we gots another plan cannot be discussed Yet. We'll see:)

   Other things goin' down with in this month and May-- 4th Annual Palestine Day in Santa Clara, 15th Palestine Benefit Concert, San Diego Trip 26th-31st, I think that might be it for the rest of those 2mths iA. Other then that we are startin' a weekly switch off w/ B-ball and Football Every sunday around 4:30pm, let me know if u wanna join;)

I gots more on my mind, but I need to sleep it off...Fine Thang Disturbed my mind tonite, Best not to ask What happened Lol All I can say is...dang I can't even say it.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	contemplative	]
[	music	|	Mahmoud Esseily & Bouchra- "Tabat wa Nabat" ]	]

A'salaamu Alaikum,

   I have about an hour before I have leave to class, I have a anthro. midterm today, Yikes. But insh'Allah I hope it goes well. These past couple days have been busy for me, and just thinking about it gets me tired. I am already looking forward to another vacation lol but I do like being busy, just not Too busy. On top of that its been a little frustrating, having its ups and downs:/

  The Rihla trip to Medina with Shaykh Hamzah Yusuf, is something im Totally looking forward to. I just sent in the application last nite, it took me FOREVER to fill out and Now I have to write up my bro's and turn it in by tonite. We were thinking that after the trip we want to head on over to Afghanistan for at least 2 weeks or so. I didn't really get to see All my family members that I wanted to see when I went in February, and my bro wants to go there so insh'Allah I think that is the plan!:) Looks like No summer classes, but its okay i'll make up for it Next summer iA.

  It's hard to get close to someone you either Know or think your goin' to lose 1 day. Makes you want to think if going through the experience is worth the hurt at the end. Maybe it won't come as a suddent hurt, it might just happen gradually but just the thought of the loss hurts. Going through experiences, 2 now that left me in that position I try to watch out now for it to happen a third time, because after three strikes its Out. Right now I hold some people Really close to me, but still put up those boundaries. It's hard... I dont know. Am I takin' it too seriously?

Wa Salaamu Alaikum

[	mood	|	About You	]
[	music	|	None	]

A'salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh,

  Today was a Good day, Alhamdulillah. Maybe it was from the blessings that today is the birth of the Prophet(saw). We had our Club Day at school it went pretty well, then it was the MSA's first Club meeting. Not as much people showed up as we had expected but Alhamdulillah it was still a nice gathering of people. Smiley and Fine Thang came to the School so it TOTALLY made my day lol Its always good times:) Then they had to leave:( lol So then back to reality, me and my bro left Soon afterwards. By the time I got home I was just TIRED! I don't even know why, maybe it was b/c I wasn't able to work out the past 2 days b/c of my foot, but insh'Allah after Fajr its back to normal. --K sidetracking-- lol Then me and my mom went to Zaytuna institute, w/ Rowday and her mom...well we met up there for an event goin' on. It was Really good, and I was able to see a lot of ppl mainly from berkeley lol

  So i've been having this Sudden temptation to Burst out and just express how I feel. The advice that Fine Thang gave me was drive around (made me think about it more lol ), punch the wall (my mom started chasin' me around the house lol, and I just started hurtin' More), yell into a Pillow ( I almost choked myself lol), So yeah wasn't too great. But doin' all of those got my mind off of it for a bit. Thanks yo';)

  I was watchin' a video from my Cousins wedding about 3 yrs ago, and Whoa! Such a BIG change, but a Good one. I would Almost consider it bein' Too out of control, but its just Normal (sadly). You can only wonder how different life would be w/out the things we are blessed w/ Today. Lookin' back at that, I felt like I re-lived it there for a sec. and I could feel the emptiness that I had felt at the time. Not really have a direction in life, No goal, having very little understanding of Why and What we are doing here, I mean of course I prayed (every now and then at the time), and knew the basics but in No way did I ever really apply it the way I was suppose to. I couldn't Help but to think how disappointed my dad was feeling at the time and I asked him this morning lol He said it straight up that he felt REALLY bad inside, but didn't give up Hope, and just continued makin' Dua'ah (and I've heard that a Fathers sincere dua'ah usually gets accepted, insh'Allah). Of course you can't help but to thank Allah(swt) for puttin' that understanding of the Deen into your life, your mind, your heart. B/c that is what will Really help us.

  Yeah I can blab on for a while, But I should get some sleep. Me and Fine Thang are on a strike--- 3days.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum